Jokes and Humour

Trevor, Robert and the team know we all like to poke a little fun at the accounting profession. Contained below are a selection of jokes about their profession.

If you have any stories or jokes you would like to share with us please E-mail them and we will consider adding them.

Q. Why don't accountants stare out of their office windows during the mornings?
A. 'Cos they'd have nothing to do at lunchtimes.

Q. How do you know when the books are in balance?
A. The accountant drools out of both sides of his mouth.

An economist died and was carried by angels to heaven. There St Matthew, the tax collector, greeted him and took him on a tour beyond the Pearly Gates. Off in the distance, the economist spotted an imposing wall beyond a moat filled with menacing creatures. "What's beyond the wall?" he whispered. "Oh that," replied St Matthew. "That's where we put the accountants ... they think they're the only ones here."

A man takes a balloon ride at a local country fair. A fierce wind suddenly kicks up, causing the balloon to violently leave the fair and carry its occupant out into the countryside. Landing in a farmer's field, the man is left with no clue how far he has flown or to where. Seeing a man walking down the street, he cries out: "Excuse me, sir, can you tell me where I am?" Eyeing the man in the balloon the passer by says: "You are in a downed balloon in a farmer's field." "You must be an accountant, sir," replied the balloon's unhappy resident. "How could you possible know that?" asked the passer-by. "Because what you have told me is absolutely correct, but of absolutely no use to me now, " answered the balloonist.

The accountant says "You must be a manager." The balloonist says "How would you know that?" The accountant replies, "Because you don't know where you are, you don't know where you're going, and you are exactly where you were 10 minutes ago but somehow it's now my fault!"

How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb?
Hmmm....let me run a few numbers and get back to you....

Two guys are fishing in the Caribbean. One is a lawyer and the other is an accountant. The lawyer says, "I had a terrible fire; lost everything. Now the insurance company is paying for everything and that's why I'm here." The accountant says, "What a coincidence. I had a terrible flood; lost everything. Now the insurance company is paying for everything and that's why I'm here." The lawyer turned to him with confusion and says, "How do you start a flood?"

Three candidates are short listed for the accountant's job. They're all equally excellent , experienced and personable, etc. So the chairman asks each the simple question "what is two and two?" The first replies " Four"

The second replies " Statistically anything between 3.999 and 4.0111" The third replies " Well what do you want it to be ?"

Chargeable Hours
A young accountant dies. He immediately goes up to heaven (wishful thinking we know) and meets Peter. Because Peter is an organised sort of Saint, he goes through the required details.
Peter : How old are you?
The accountant : 33
Peter : That's impossible!
The accountant : Why?

Peter : I have looked at your time sheets and examined the hours that your have charged your clients - by my reckoning you are at least 97!